Thursday, May 19, 2011

Refocusing On Me

I have had a long hiatus one that I am not too happy with but one that I will let you in on. I needed a break from everything. I got too swept up in guys and wanting a relationship that I realized that maybe that isn’t want I need. Truth be told I was right. I needed time to worry about me and think about me. So basically I did time where I got to learn more about who I am rather than trying to be someone that I am not. I thought that I could do this online dating but honestly its not dating its more like hooking up made easy. I am not the type of girl that does that and its not what I want.

Since I refocused my life I am going to refocus my blog as well. I think that my blog is a reflection of what goes through my mind and thoughts so it makes sense at least to me to refocus my blog to what my mind is at. So instead of crazy sexapades and what not. I am Changing my blog to being about all sorts to the odd ball things. I will talk about my views and thoughts and ideas to relationships to girl problems to issues to films to art to wine to all sorts. Basically whatever I am thinking. I figured this way I am being true to myself and even more so true you guys you know my audience.

Honestly I think this is also better. I am not going to parade around like a whore or a player and I am not going to parade around like someone that I am not. From this point on its going to be me and my thoughts and what I want and think from this moment on. I hope you guys understand and hope that you also like my change of direction. We will see. But in the end this is my return notice!

Love Always

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Grateful Much?

I know that a lot of us take a lot for granted. I am one of those people. I complain and complain about so much. Most of the time it’s over stupid shit that I can change but I will admit it I am most of the time too lazy to do it. But the thing that I have came to terms with and the reason I think a lot of people are so unhappy is that we forget to look at the positive side of things and also forget about being thankful for the things that we have in our life. I know that it is hard especially when we live in a country where we want more and better things all the time. I think about it and I can’t believe how many times I stop and say I or me or whatever in one day. It is amazing.

I am going to try to embrace a new line of thinking which means instead of complaining about my life I am going to say something grateful. So whenever I am lonely or sad or upset or whatever I am going to stop and start listing all the things that I am grateful for. I know it is not much at the time but I think it will help me lean in the right direction and stop making me sound like a spoiled brat. Even when I am so fucking horny and I don’t know how to control myself I will mentally slap myself and be all “Bitch cool the fuck down take an ice shower and be thankful that you have a pussy rather than a dick.” No offense to the guys out there but I would never trade my Vayjayjay in for a dick. It will never happen.

I am also hoping that by changing the way I think will also change the people around me. I have noticed that people around me bitch a lot. AND I MEAN A LOT. They complain about things that are out of anyone’s hands. I am always shocked that I am friends with them its like really? You are going to complain about what…. That…. Out of all the things you are going to complain about how whatever. My point is that I am hoping that either the people around me will change or they will leave me alone. I highly doubt it but I can dream right?

I am also going to start my gratitude book. Every night I am going to write about the things that I am grateful for and thankful for. So this way hopefully I will stop thinking about all the things that I don’t have. Because let’s face it there are people out there who aren’t as lucky as we are. We may think that our life is rough but its not. We have our homes, family, looks, feelings, free will, and love and emotions and most importantly we have the people around us who care about us. I think if we start focusing on that more maybe our lives will change a bit s

Monday, April 18, 2011

Thristy Tuesday!!!

So this was suppose to be called Man Candy Monday but I stopped and was like but wait a minute what if I don’t want the week to be about a guy? So I decided to post pone the article until now for Tuesday. Every Tuesday I will show you guys some mouth watering pics of ONE celebrity/model/whatever that I think makes me thirsty. If you the followers want to participate and have one of your favorite celebrities up on Thirsty Tuesdays then just email me or get in touch with me and I will make it happen. This should help us pass the week by so that way we don’t feel so bored and annoyed with everything that is going on in the beginning of the week. I know Mondays are a day I dread but I am too busy to do much about that. Tuesdays seem to be the worse! It is like a repeat of Monday, which also makes Thirsty Tuesdays even more well thirsty.

This week, my first Thristy Tuesday goes to….. (Drum roll here)


Yes the man is much older than I am but come on! Who has not seen this man’s famous bulge from CK? Yeah… I remember this man very well even when I was barely a teenager and I saw Fear for the first time. I am still crazy about this guy even though I prefer taller guys. But he is such good eye candy. From his tough rapper persona to the sweet guy who has matured, he is still a guy that I think has adorable eyes and well some other features. From his Marky Mark rapping days to his serious bad ass roles he plays on the big screen to the friendly father figure that we see in pictures, Mark will always have a special place in my well with me.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Straight, Bisexual, Gay.... Whatever

I am not against any type of sexual orientation. I don’t really think anyone is one set way because I am one of those people that are huge psychology people and studied (tried it and failed) and came to the conclusion of this. Everyone is born bisexual or right in the middle of the homosexual and heterosexual fence and as you get older you decide which one way you are and sometimes you stay on that fence. For those of you that are like wtf is she talking about… Look up Frued’s Innate Bisexuality theory and it will fully explain what I am talking about. To me sexual orientation is all about our state of mind and not what our body actually needs. Come on our body doesn’t have the mind so it can’t tell what is what when it comes to a mouth or someone’s touch.

With all of this being said… I like I said don’t care what your sexual orientation is. I am a people person to a degree and will love you probably no matter what. But the one thing that annoys me is when someone you are flirting with is confusing the hell out of your gaydar. I don’t mind flirting its all fun and games but when things start to evolve from that and you aren’t sure anymore, and I am left standing there with a raised eyebrow going okay…. Then there is a problem.

This has happened to me recently. I meet this guy about almost two months ago. He is older than I am which I honestly don’t mind. Older men are fine to a point like my limit on age is 35 because my mom is only 41. But this guy was 32 so I was like okay no biggie. We are just going to call this guy ‘Mr. Foreign’. The name may sound a little funny but trust me it fits him. Plus he isn’t from America so that fits even more. The more time I spent with him my head kept screaming and knocking on my head going ‘yo dumbo here hello pay attention to what I am saying the man is not straight he is gay…. Maybe bisexual but not straight.’ I kept ignoring it and ignoring it. I am very stubborn as you can see. So I flirted back with the guy ignoring what my rational brain was telling me. I mean every time I came into the room or into this guys sights he got all happy and smiley. He would make sure that I am doing alright and was constantly reassuring me when I was about ready to say fuck this school fuck this project I am going home.

So the other day I was bored and went looking on up his name. OH I know cyber stalking! BULL, I call it valid researching. It is important to know ahead of time what you are getting into. So since I have been close with this guy and I have been talking to him and having a good time my stupid all heart does the typical stupid thing… it falls for the guy that my brain is going ‘ummm excuse me… do you need a cat scan…’ This is what I do with just about every guy if I have meet him here in Hollywood or Los Angeles… Its just one of those things that I call covering my ass before it gets in trouble. So I was just browsing through the links… Nothing out of the ordinary… This was a boring professional guy that seemed to keep his nose out of trouble… then I found it… The thing that my brain was dancing around and celebrating because it was right… I had found an old ‘friendster’ profile of his… At first everything was looking good. Found some amazingly cute pictures of him when he was younger and I was like wow he really is good looking. Once I got over the pictures and all of the little eye catching things. I scan down to the bottom to the About Me section. Then I saw it… the thing that pinpricked the heart and made the brain bust out of the Jack Daniels for some celebration…

• Interested In: Dating Men, Relationship with Men, Friends, Activity Partners

After my head got done drinking and my heart finally folded up and went to a whole numb state. I was like well should have trusted my gaydar more often… even though I am starting to think maybe the guy is bisexual because after all he didn’t act completely gay. His profile was made back in 2003… I mean I was only 12 when he made that profile. Oh well no matter what though I am not going to get involved because we have the whole line between teacher and student deal going on. Yeah Mr. Foreign was also my teacher… which makes the whole thing even more laughable. But anyways the lesson I learn in this whole thing is that if he makes your gaydar go a little back and forth throw the guy in the friends category until he can prove he is straight. Like I said I don’t care what the sexuality of a person is but I have learned from experience that sometimes dating bisexual men tends to hurt in more ways that a girl wants to hurt in. So I just tend to stick with my straight men.

Tell me what you guys think about sexuality of the opposite sex and have you ever had to double guess your “gaydar”?

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Welcome! Getting to know ME!

My first blog post! YAY! This is actual my first blog post ever. No joke… I know I am so behind in the times and the fun would that is on the net. Well I have been following a number of blogs for about a year now and I figured I might as well give this thing a shot. Mostly because it would give me time alone and away from people and my friends are tired of what I have to think and say so I told them all to fuck themselves and don’t come to me when they want to rant or unload their thoughts. So you my friends are the ones that will be my best friends and the people I tell everything too (with modifications of course).

This first post will be like the meet and greet of me. I may be known as Lil Scorpion of Hollywood but you can call me Jess if you want instead of my screen name/user name. I know that a lot of people feel closer and more personal when they know your first name at least I do and that is what I want. Since this is going to be a personal blog about relationships, love, sex, books, my life and all sorts of my random thoughts, I figured might as well make you guys feel like you are personally close to me as well. I know that a lot of people may be all weirded out like that and be “oh my g-“I can’t believe she gave her name on the web. Relax people, it’s just a short version of my name besides I am going to be linking up my facebook and twitter account to my blog… so you can follow me if you want!

So you know my name is Jess, I am 21 years old. I know I know I am still a baby to many people. But don’t let my age fool you. I am quite mature for my age and even more so I feel like I am much older. I don’t go out clubbing and getting drunk and being a child. I am a hard working student at the LAFILM School in Los Angeles. I want to be a producer, writer, editor, production designer. Yes that is a lot but I have the faith to know that I will be there one day. So Jerry Bruckheimer beware I am coming up your alley soon! Yes, I know it sounds cocky and unrealistic but I am determined to make the movies I want and to have fun doing it. I also know that Jerry is one of the best and most successful producers of this time so he is my inspiration, teacher, and soon to be replaced by me.

Even though I am doing well in school and have my hands dipped in the film industry, my love life is a bit on the messy side. I am not going to lie about that. It has been and always will be. It’s actually crazy to have everything else all nice and tidy but your love life. I either find pigs, or guys that back out and freak when things get good. I don’t know if it is me. But I figured instead of telling my friends about it because they all roll their eyes and tell me to get over it there are other fish in the sea and also that they say I go through men left and right. I guess it’s true but I am just the type of person that tries to let people go quickly so it doesn’t end up hurting me more often. Some call me a serial dater I call it moving on and learning and even having some fun. This blog will be my uncensored and random thoughts about the things in my life that people don’t want to listen to are just the things that I have on my mind and don’t want to have to deal with other people. So beware! Have fun and don’t be afraid to talk to me or contact me! I want to know my readers, (If I have any).